I sat on the bed and held Becca while she cried. I smoothed her hair, made soothing sounds and told her it was ok. Inside my heart was breaking for her. Between sobs she poured out her heart.
“I know there are other kids that don’t have as much as I do. I know that I am so lucky because I had you and daddy and you love me so much. But when I look in the mirror, I don’t think I’m pretty and it makes me feel so bad.”
The awkwardness of 12. That feeling that you are the only person who doesn’t have it together. She is noticing her body for the first time, really, and noticing that it is changing. Although at this point, it hasn’t changed much. She has always been petite, always the shortest of her friends. At 12 years old she is barely 65 pounds – everything about her is small and fairylike.
Then she entered the Junior High Girls Locker Room and the self image doubts entered right behind her — along with a lot of girls farther along in the development process.
I remember those days. To be honest, I can’t say they are fully behind me. I have a great job, loving husband, sweet friends and wonderful family but the number of the scale can ruin my week. As a mom, I have tried to keep my own body issues out of the spotlight. I don’t go on crazy diets or constantly talk about losing weight. Instead I have emphasized a desire for more energy by exercising, or choosing to cut out sugar.
I really thought Becca would not fall down that rabbit hole. But there we sat on her bed, starting a new phase of our relationship. She is looking to me for emotional support. After years of saying that it’s the beauty inside that really counts, I need to help her learn feel good about her outside beauty, too.
Have you had this conversation with your daughter? What did you say?
This post was originally published on WorkingMother.com on May 18,2011.