Girls bully, too: A comment on princesses and how we treat women that “can”

Ok – just read this post by Peggy Orenstein. It’s not new, it was originally published in November. “princess” connection is fascinating to me. One of my daughters was very into princesses, etc. so to me its not the “evil” empire that some people feel that it is. But then when my daughter was invited to a princess party with other 6 year olds, she went as a pirate. Not a pirate princess, a pirate.  I guess I just had a different princess-parenting experience.I see the do-it-all-perfectly-and-effortlessly thing differently, I suppose. I don’t associate that with princesses at all. I associate it with the way women talk and the way they judge each other.

I think the limiting factor here is the very real possibility that you will be publicly shamed for leaving your house without perfect make-up, making the slightest mistake or showing any effort whatsoever.

Look at the number of articles related to Hilary Clinton’s hairstyle vs. Madeleine Albright! (FYI – 1.1 million in .25 seconds vs 180k in .53 seconds)

It is sad but true.

My 16 yo is presenting a seminar to teenagers this weekend at a local 4H leadership conference. The topic is bullying, with an emphasis on how to support the victim. She has done a lot of research to prepare and one of the stats she pulled was about the shocking percentages of girls that experience emotional bullying through negative comments DAILY. The comments might be about their hairstyle, their clothes, their grades, etc. but very often girls EXPECT to hear negative comments from their peers with any sort of achievement. In contrast, boys could expect bullying to be more physical and tended to be doled out to those who “can’t” rather than those that “can.” **

The message is clear – do well, girls, and there is an army waiting to tear you down.

This is what we have to fight, people.


Peggy Orenstein is an award-winning writer, editor and speaker about issues affecting girls and women.
** Please note – NEITHER form of bullying is ok. I bring it up because the contrast was interesting to me.

Making a list

Originally uploaded by JenGraybeal

No. I am not even close thinking about Christmas yet.

Tonight’s list was action items — what do I need to do to move my projects along to the next step. I made some phone calls, sent some emails. Not enough emails mind you but Yahoo mail seems to be suffering cramps or something.

I am not judging, just saying.

Anyway, I have 2 big events to pull together in the next couple of months. I am kind of excited about both of them, although I am fairly certain I am nuts for doing one if not both while also trying to stay on top of life in general.

Which is why I make lists.

weekend recap


         Sheila came over to do some computer work because my printer works and hers does not.

         I started a cute green and red purse, bought some books on Amazon

         My Magnolia tree was replaced and planted so I can see it out the office window.

         Becca went to Kiley’s house after school with Andrea and Mackenzie, Zack went to play with Jared, too.

         Lizzi worked on her Manga

         At about 7:30, Joe Walters came over to talk about the PTA Conference final details.  We called Murlin since he was waiting for the Comp Corps to show up at his house. 

         We had a quiet evening, just us girls and the TV.

         I almost finished Vampire Knight 2



         I woke up and saw Scott had texted from the airport.  He was on his way home!

         I made bagels for everyone

         We all went to Kirk Park for volleyball – I worked with our team on the spike-set combo, moving their feet and forearm passes.

         Lizzi brought Sweetie and chatted with Dani

         The girls cleaned the kitchen while I ran errands.

         Lizzi started reading Thirteen and worked on her manga

         Rebecca worked on her Mac and Cheese story

         We went to Target to get Lizzi a bathing suit, ended up at the mall

         Daddy came home about 7:30, just in time for pizza!

         He brought me a box of chocolates from Switzerland

         We opened a bottle of Matchbook “Tinto Rey” 2005



         At 7 am Scott’s buzzing phone woke me up.  I don’t know how early that started.

         Daddy made breakfast: chocolate chip pancakes for the girls, scrambled eggs with onions and cheese for us

         The 9:45 church service at St. Timothy’s – the girls in their Sunday School classes and Scott and I sitting together holding hands throughout the service.

         I noticed they have removed the pews from the Fellowship Hall – must be getting ready to move them back into the Sanctuary

         Scott took the girls home while I went to Bell Choir Practice

         I showed the children’s choir how we ring the bells and make different sounds with them

         We all did yard work – mowing, weeding, edging, poop scoop

         Scott fixed the sprinklers so now I think the raised bed will get water

         I put the last stitch in my cute new purse

         the 4-H Creative Writing Project met and we reviewed stories for our end of year book

         I put the new knobs on Becca’s hutch and put the glass back into the doors.  The handles we bought are the wrong size for the holes. sigh.

         Dinner was Halibut, Couscous, and a garden salad with a light vinaigrette (courtesy of Becca)

         Becca made her ecosystem – 3 worms, a mint plant, 3 tomatoes, soil, water, rocks (of course!).

         Lizzi worked on her manga

         Jetlag caught up with Scott and he was out before 8 pm.

         Tonight, Becca is thankful for yard work, worms, and ecosystems.